How Do I Lesbian Thee?
by Rytex
Summary: Sora has to learn how to pronounce the word "love" to mend his relationship with Kairi.  Fortunately, Wakka is here to help.  NOT YAOI.  T for swearing and suggestive themes.


**Hey all! Rytex here. finally uploaded my first Kingdom Hearts Story. This is strictly a SoKai humor story, with bits of romance. I decided not to expand on the Seifer flirting in the opening sequence on purpose.**

**Anyway, this was entirely inspired by the Scott Pilgrim "L-word" joke.**

**Disclaimer: I totally own Kingdom Hearts.  
Axel in Betwixt and Between:"No you don't!"  
Darn you Axel!**

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How Do I Lesbian Thee?

Sora sat in their little beach house, annoyed.

He was annoyed at Riku, spoiling the moment when he was trying to mend his relationship with Kairi.

He was annoyed at Seifer, whose constant flirting had caused him to overreact, putting them like this.

He was annoyed at himself for overreacting in the first place.

But most of all, he was annoyed at Kairi. She had overreacted as much as he had, if not more.

He'd had it all planned out.

He took Kairi to the most expensive restaurant in Destiny Islands' town, he was gonna go by the beach for the sunset, and he was going to apologize to her.

The first two parts of the plan went well, but Riku didn't know about what was going on and came over, spoiling the mood.

He had been angry at Riku, but managed to keep his voice smooth.

However, Kairi had acted like she wanted him there the whole time.

He was beyond annoyed at her.

The door to the beach opened. Walks came in.

"'Ey! What's happening, mon?" he asked in his Jamaican accent.

"Nothin' much. Just angry at-"

"Riku and Kairi, ya? I heard about what happened. Dude, let me offa some advice, ya? You just gotta be yourself with Kairi."

"I tried that!"

"No, not what I mean, brah. I mean, you just have to go up to Kairi without taking her out on a date, look her straight in the eye, apologize, then tell her you love her. Worked for me and Lulu."

Sora sat there.

"Or you could pout a little 'bout it. That'll definately work." said Wakka.

"It will?"

"Course not, mon. Trust me. Just go up to Kairi and do what I told you."

"Ok. Can I practice first?"

"What do you mean, bradda?"

"Just, pretend to be Kairi." said Sora.

"Umm, maybe you should ask Selphie..."

"Nah. She'd gossip about this for years."

"True dat, brah."

"Ok, so here goes."

Sora took a deep breath.

"Umm, Kairi? I'm sorry about how I've been acting lately."

Wakka nodded.

"Good. Good start."

"And I just wanted to tell you that I l... I lo- I mean, I luh-"

"You got dis brah!"

"I luhhhmmm. Damn it. I can't say it."

Wakka whacked Sora on the back of the head.

"Come on, dude. It's not too hard to say 'love,' is it?"

"No."

"Ok, now try again."

Sora repeated the whole encounter.

"And I just wanted to say that I lesbian you."

"What!" asked Wakka.

Sora smacked himself in the face.

"How the hell did that happen!"

"I dunno brah. How DID that happen?"

"Well, I remember Riku giving one of his famous speeches about 'the L word.'"

"Oh, ya. I remember those."

"Well, he talked about the two L words. Lesbian, and Love."

"Oh ya. I rememba dat."

Sora hit his face again.

"Ok, now try again, but go slowly."

"Ok. I luhhhh-"

"You got it!"

"Uhhhvvv- crap. Lost it."

"Come on, Sora! You got dis!"

"Ok. I luhhhvve you!"

"YES! GOOD! Now try to say it normally."

"Okay-"

Sora took a deep breath.

"I-"

The door opened and Tidus came in, looking for Wakka.

"Hey Wakka, me and the guys was gonna go play some Blitzbal-"

"Love you."

Tidus caught the whole sentence.

It took a minute to sink in, but when it did, Tidus grabbed his hair and made frantic unintelligible sounds, while pointing from Sora to Wakka, then back to Sora.

When he finally regained control of his voice, he screamed.

"OH MY GAWWWD!"

He ran out, slamming the door behind him.

"Ummm... Ok? What the hell was dat about?" asked Wakka.

"Somehow, I just knew that was going to happen."

"Alright, so les try it with no interruptions, ya? Go ahead."

"Umm, Kairi? I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about how I've been acting lately, and I just wanted to say-"

The door opened again, showing Selphie, Roxas, Hayner, and Pence with Tidus.

"-that I love you." finished Sora.

Again, it took a moment to sink in.

Then everyone began grabbing their hair, making unintelligible sounds, pointing from Sora to Wakka and back, then screaming and shouting "OH MY GAWWWD!" and running off.

Wakka slapped his face.

"Damn it. How did I know that was gonna happen?"

Sora, however, was grinning from ear to ear.

"I can say it!"

"Good job, brah. Go say it to Kairi now. I'll be right behind you."

Sora smiled and took off. Kairi was sitting on the dock, talking with Olette and Naminé. When Sora came up, they all stopped.

"Hey Kairi?"

"Yes Sora?" she asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Umm, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for how I've been acting lately."

He broke off awkwardly. Kairi's raised eyebrow got even further up.

"Is that all?"

"No. I also wanted to tell you that I l..."

"You got dis mon!" shouted Wakka from behind him.

"I luhhh..."

The moral support ended as Wakka saw the five islanders leading Riku, frantically shouting "He's gay for Wakka! He loves Wakka!"

Kairi caught sight of them and her other eyebrow rose also. Naminé and Olette were laughing themselves to tears at their comments.

"Kairi!"

"What, Sora?" she asked, her attention returning to Sora."

"I just wanted to say that I lesbian you."

The two girls got even louder in their laughter as Sora and Kairi both blushed a red to rival Kairi's hair.

Sora covered his face in his hands and pounded the dock.

"Damn it to End of the World!"

Wakka ran over and helped him.

"Come on, brah. Just try again."

Kairi had her back turned to Sora as she had her face buried in her hands too. Her body shook a few times.

Sora grabbed her shoulder and gently turned her to face him. He thought she hated him now.

When he managed to gently pry her hands away from her face, he could see that she was laughing.

"Sora, that was funny!" she said, overcome with giggles.

Sora was now confused.

"So, you don't hate me?"

"Of course not. You made me laugh. And I know what you meant."

"I'm sorry Kairi."

"Why are you sorry? We both had stress to get rid of."

Sora felt as though an enormous weight had lifted off his shoulders.

"Kairi, I love you." he finally said, without stuttering or any other mistake.

She smiled and kissed him lightly.

"Love you too, Sora."

Meanwhile, all five on the beach had the realization dawn on them.

They all simply fainted.

Riku was annoyed now.

"If you guys think I'm giving you mouth-to-mouth, you all can think twice!"

Sora, however, felt Kairi take his hand and lead him to the back of the island.

"So, wanna pick up where we left off last night?" she asked with a smile.

"Sure do." he said.

Sora mused to himself about this incident the next day. He had learned that it is important that you have to learn to pronounce the word "Lesbian."

"DAMN IT SORA!"

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**Well, how was it? R&R please. Have a great day!**


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